Post by Dan C
Please post a recent picture of yourself. Thanks!
You first, <SNIP>
You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we
say in Texas, you couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions
printed on the heel. You are a canker, an open wound. I would rather kiss
a lawyer than be seen with you. You took your last vacation in the Islets
You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm
deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, and
a weasel. I take that back; you are a festering pustule on a weasel's
rump. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion,
a big suck on a sour lemon.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species
as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very
thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you.
You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the
dregs of this earth. You are a technicolor yawn. And did I mention that
You are a squeaking rat, a mistake of nature and a heavy-metal bagpipe
player. You were not born. You were hatched into an unwilling world that
rejects the likes of you. You didn't crawl out of a normal egg, either,
but rather a mutant maggot egg rejected by an evil scientist as being
below his low standards. Your alleged parents abandoned you at birth and
then died of shame in recognition of what they had done to an unsuspecting
world. They were a bit late.
Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to
impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will
still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it ever so
much more rapidly. If cluelessness were crude oil, your scalp would be
crawling with caribou.
You are a thick-headed trog. I have seen skeet with more sense than you
have. You are a few bricks short of a full load, a few cards short of a
full deck, a few bytes short of a full core dump, and a few chromosomes
short of a full human. Worse than that, you top-post. God created
houseflies, cockroaches, maggots, mosquitos, fleas, ticks, slugs, leeches,
and intestinal parasites, then he lowered his standards and made you. I
take it back; God didn't make you. You are Satan's spawn. You are Evil
beyond comprehension, half-living in the slough of despair. You are the
entropy which will claim us all. You are a green-nostriled, crossed eyed,
hairy-livered, goisher kopf, inbred trout-defiler. You make Ebola look
You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty
and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus.
Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are
unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that
reality forgot. You are not ANSI compliant and your markup doesn't
validate. You have a couple of address lines shorted together. You should
be promoted to Engineering Manager.
Do you really expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be read?
Everyone plonked you long ago. Do you fantasize that your tantrums and
conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.000000001 worth of
electricity used to send them? Your life is one big W.O.M.B.A.T., and your
future doesn't look promising either. We need to trace your bloodline and
terminate all siblings and cousins in order to cleanse humanity of your
polluted genes. The good news is that no normal human would ever mate with
you, so we won't have to go into the sewers in search of your git.
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and
obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living
emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a
loathsome disease, a drooling inbred cross-eyed toesucker. You make
Quakers shout and strike Pentecostals silent. You have a version 1.0 mind
in a version 6.13 world. Your mother had to tie a pork chop around your
neck just to get your dog to play with you. You think that
www.GuyMacon.com/flame.html is the name of a rock band. You believe that
P.D.Q. Bach is the greatest composer who ever lived. You prefer L. Ron
Hubbard to Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. Hee-Haw is too deep for you.
You would watch test patterns all day if the other inmates would let you.
On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient
in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You
are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. Spammers look down on
you. Phone sex operators hang up on you. Telemarketers refuse to be seen
in public with you. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread
misery and sorrow wherever you go. May you choke on your own foolish
opinions. You are a Pusillanimous galactophage and you wear your sister's
training bra. Don't bother opening the door when you leave - you should be
able to slime your way out underneath. I hope that when you get home your
mother runs out from under the porch and bites you.
You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You
grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-
licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-
pated tosser. You bloody churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You craven
dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered bum-bailey poofter.
You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing
beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You jetere steatopygous pilgarlick
hircine whigmaleerious rhadamanthine lintlicker. I refer you to the reply
given in the case of Arkell v. Pressdram.
You are so clueless that if you dressed in a clue skin, doused yourself in
clue musk, and did the clue dance in the middle of a field of horny clues
at the height of clue mating season, you still would not have a clue. If
you were a movie you would be a double feature; _Battlefield_Earth_ and
_Moron_Movies_II_. You would be out of focus.
You are a fiend and a sniveling coward, and you have bad breath. You are
the unholy spawn of a bandy-legged hobo and a syphilitic camel. You wear
strangely mismatched clothing with oddly placed stains. You are
degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just knowing that you
exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. You
are jetsam who dreams of becoming flotsam. You won't make it. I beg for
sweet death to come and remove me from a world which became unbearable
when the bioterrorists designed you.
It is hard to believe how incredibly stupid you are. Stupid as a stone
that the other stones make fun of. So stupid that you have traveled far
beyond stupid as we know it and into a new dimension of stupid. Meta-
stupid. Stupid cubed. Trans-stupid stupid. Stupid collapsed to a
singularity where even the stupons have collapsed into stuponium. Stupid
so dense that no intelligence can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot
summer day on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one minute than our
entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. It cannot be possible that
anything in our universe can really be this stupid. This is a primordial
fragment from the original big stupid bang. A pure extract of stupid with
absolute stupid purity. Stupid beyond the laws of nature. I must
apologize. I can't go on. This is my epiphany of stupid. After this
experience, you may not hear from me for a while. I don't think that I can
summon the strength left to mock your moronic opinions and malformed
comments about boring trivia or your other drivel. Duh.
The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away
most of your of what you wrote, because, well ... it didn't really say
anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I
mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of
babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have
learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success.
True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take
for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes
forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these
things to be difficult. If I had known that this was true in your case
then I would have never have exposed myself to what you wrote. It just
wouldn't have been "right." Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I
wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem
to be placing such a demand on you.
P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful,
cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable,
belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic,
bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged,
imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous,
byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious,
splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, EDLINoid, illegitimate, harmful,
destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow,
manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous,
unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive,
malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dyspeptic, stifling, uncaring,
plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive,
aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive,
abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, pinguid, and Generally Not Good.
"Ubuntu" -- an African word, meaning "Slackware is too hard for me".
"Bother!" said Pooh, as he cut his initials in the snow.
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