Discussion:
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff, Stenographer, Executioner
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Jim Higgins
2007-01-19 14:53:17 UTC
Permalink
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/

OAKLAND, CA-Often referred to by his superiors at the Oakland Police
Department as a "loose cannon," Lt. Buck Roth and his unorthodox policing
methods have been the subject of controversy for much of his turbulent
career. But the renegade detective who acts as judge, jury, prosecuting
attorney, bailiff, court reporter, and executioner maintains that his
approach gets results.

"Whatever it takes to clean up Oakland, I'll do it," Roth said Monday.
"After all the laziness and corruption I've witnessed during my 13 years on
the force, I've learned you can't trust just anyone to apprehend, arrest,
fingerprint, photograph, delouse, interrogate, arraign, hear testimony from,
and set bail for the low-life scumbags I deal with day after day."

Roth triggered a firestorm of controversy last Thursday when he ambushed
and gunned down a suspected killer in a Bay Bridge-area warehouse, even
though the suspect was not armed at the time. He further angered area law
enforcement when he admitted to single-handedly securing the scene, taking
fiber and DNA samples, notifying the killer's next-of-kin, and performing
ballistics tests on his own weapon, all before calling for backup, which is
the required procedure.

Roth, who is officially assigned to the OPD's Vehicle Theft division, said
that he is not a one-man corrections officer, polygraph technician, sketch
artist, parole officer, SWAT team marksman, death row chaplain, and evidence
room supervisor because he wants to be, but because "the Alameda County
criminal justice system has failed its citizens time and time again."

"Am I supposed to just stand by and watch the clowns at HQ let these
depraved bastards slip through the cracks?" said Roth, cleaning his service
revolver as he scanned the two dozen subpoenas he personally issued and
planned to serve later that afternoon. "The whole system is rotten to the
core. Not one of these detectives, assistant DAs, court clerks, process
servers, or parking enforcement officers knows his ass from his elbow."

When asked whether he weighed the ethical ramifications of taking the law,
and the subsequent triplicate filing, into his own hands, Roth said he
doesn't "have the time to sit back and philosophize" when public safety is
at risk.

"The worst part of this job is knowing that some piece of garbage is going
to be back on the streets in six months," said Roth after sentencing a
convicted methamphetamine dealer to six months in prison on a plea bargain
Roth himself authored. "And having to witness it firsthand, too, as I file
his release paperwork and reissue his civilian garb to him."

Despite major qualms with the bureaucracy and red tape he creates and then
has to deal with, the maverick cop is confident he is doing the right thing.

"When you prepare a cold-blooded murderer's last meal, strap him down,
inject him with potassium chloride, send him straight to hell, and officiate
at his burial service in the prison cemetery, you realize it's all worth
it," Roth said.

According to a source within the OPD's internal affairs division, Roth's
loner tactics have alienated him from virtually every colleague, and he has
clashed heatedly with the heads of Narcotics, Vice, Fraud, Missing Persons,
Information Technology, Records, and the Police Athletic League.

"The man is out of control," said Lt. Larry Carling, head of the OPD's
Forensic Science unit. "Goddamn it, if I hear about another rape kit gone
missing or a surprise exhumation, I'll personally order the son of a bitch
to lock himself up."

As a result of the Thursday incident, Roth is now the subject of an
internal investigation, headed by himself.

"We've got our best man on the case, and if he thinks Roth committed a
serious infraction, Roth'll have his badge, gun, robes, gavel, stenotype,
and Bible," said Det. James Lafferty, Roth's immediate supervisor.

Roth said that despite the constant resistance he runs up against, he will
not be deterred from performing the many jobs he has set out to do.

"Sure, I know I'm just 17 cogs in the machine," Roth said. "But I'm still
gonna be out on these mean streets come hell or high water, cracking heads
and busting creeps. And if they kick me off the force, I'll still be a
punk's worst nightmare, as a vigilante, private detective, bounty hunter,
bail bondsman, and repo man all rolled into one."



--
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is
marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and
comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great
devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause. Who at the best, knows the
triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least
fails while daring greatly.
T.R. April 10, 1899
jimstevens
2007-01-19 17:16:31 UTC
Permalink
Excellent item from a publication known to take the mickey for a long
walk.

On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:53:17 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/
OAKLAND, CA-Often referred to by his superiors at the Oakland Police
Department as a "loose cannon," Lt. Buck Roth and his unorthodox policing
methods have been the subject of controversy for much of his turbulent
career. But the renegade detective who acts as judge, jury, prosecuting
attorney, bailiff, court reporter, and executioner maintains that his
approach gets results.
"Whatever it takes to clean up Oakland, I'll do it," Roth said Monday.
"After all the laziness and corruption I've witnessed during my 13 years on
the force, I've learned you can't trust just anyone to apprehend, arrest,
fingerprint, photograph, delouse, interrogate, arraign, hear testimony from,
and set bail for the low-life scumbags I deal with day after day."
Roth triggered a firestorm of controversy last Thursday when he ambushed
and gunned down a suspected killer in a Bay Bridge-area warehouse, even
though the suspect was not armed at the time. He further angered area law
enforcement when he admitted to single-handedly securing the scene, taking
fiber and DNA samples, notifying the killer's next-of-kin, and performing
ballistics tests on his own weapon, all before calling for backup, which is
the required procedure.
Roth, who is officially assigned to the OPD's Vehicle Theft division, said
that he is not a one-man corrections officer, polygraph technician, sketch
artist, parole officer, SWAT team marksman, death row chaplain, and evidence
room supervisor because he wants to be, but because "the Alameda County
criminal justice system has failed its citizens time and time again."
"Am I supposed to just stand by and watch the clowns at HQ let these
depraved bastards slip through the cracks?" said Roth, cleaning his service
revolver as he scanned the two dozen subpoenas he personally issued and
planned to serve later that afternoon. "The whole system is rotten to the
core. Not one of these detectives, assistant DAs, court clerks, process
servers, or parking enforcement officers knows his ass from his elbow."
When asked whether he weighed the ethical ramifications of taking the law,
and the subsequent triplicate filing, into his own hands, Roth said he
doesn't "have the time to sit back and philosophize" when public safety is
at risk.
"The worst part of this job is knowing that some piece of garbage is going
to be back on the streets in six months," said Roth after sentencing a
convicted methamphetamine dealer to six months in prison on a plea bargain
Roth himself authored. "And having to witness it firsthand, too, as I file
his release paperwork and reissue his civilian garb to him."
Despite major qualms with the bureaucracy and red tape he creates and then
has to deal with, the maverick cop is confident he is doing the right thing.
"When you prepare a cold-blooded murderer's last meal, strap him down,
inject him with potassium chloride, send him straight to hell, and officiate
at his burial service in the prison cemetery, you realize it's all worth
it," Roth said.
According to a source within the OPD's internal affairs division, Roth's
loner tactics have alienated him from virtually every colleague, and he has
clashed heatedly with the heads of Narcotics, Vice, Fraud, Missing Persons,
Information Technology, Records, and the Police Athletic League.
"The man is out of control," said Lt. Larry Carling, head of the OPD's
Forensic Science unit. "Goddamn it, if I hear about another rape kit gone
missing or a surprise exhumation, I'll personally order the son of a bitch
to lock himself up."
As a result of the Thursday incident, Roth is now the subject of an
internal investigation, headed by himself.
"We've got our best man on the case, and if he thinks Roth committed a
serious infraction, Roth'll have his badge, gun, robes, gavel, stenotype,
and Bible," said Det. James Lafferty, Roth's immediate supervisor.
Roth said that despite the constant resistance he runs up against, he will
not be deterred from performing the many jobs he has set out to do.
"Sure, I know I'm just 17 cogs in the machine," Roth said. "But I'm still
gonna be out on these mean streets come hell or high water, cracking heads
and busting creeps. And if they kick me off the force, I'll still be a
punk's worst nightmare, as a vigilante, private detective, bounty hunter,
bail bondsman, and repo man all rolled into one."
Jim Higgins
2007-01-19 17:25:28 UTC
Permalink
Post by jimstevens
Excellent item from a publication known to take the mickey for a long
walk.
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:53:17 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/
OAKLAND, CA-Often referred to by his superiors at the Oakland Police
Department as a "loose cannon," Lt. Buck Roth and his unorthodox policing
methods have been the subject of controversy for much of his turbulent
career. But the renegade detective who acts as judge, jury, prosecuting
attorney, bailiff, court reporter, and executioner maintains that his
approach gets results.
"Whatever it takes to clean up Oakland, I'll do it," Roth said Monday.
"After all the laziness and corruption I've witnessed during my 13 years on
the force, I've learned you can't trust just anyone to apprehend, arrest,
fingerprint, photograph, delouse, interrogate, arraign, hear testimony from,
and set bail for the low-life scumbags I deal with day after day."
Roth triggered a firestorm of controversy last Thursday when he ambushed
and gunned down a suspected killer in a Bay Bridge-area warehouse, even
though the suspect was not armed at the time. He further angered area law
enforcement when he admitted to single-handedly securing the scene, taking
fiber and DNA samples, notifying the killer's next-of-kin, and performing
ballistics tests on his own weapon, all before calling for backup, which is
the required procedure.
Roth, who is officially assigned to the OPD's Vehicle Theft division, said
that he is not a one-man corrections officer, polygraph technician, sketch
artist, parole officer, SWAT team marksman, death row chaplain, and evidence
room supervisor because he wants to be, but because "the Alameda County
criminal justice system has failed its citizens time and time again."
"Am I supposed to just stand by and watch the clowns at HQ let these
depraved bastards slip through the cracks?" said Roth, cleaning his service
revolver as he scanned the two dozen subpoenas he personally issued and
planned to serve later that afternoon. "The whole system is rotten to the
core. Not one of these detectives, assistant DAs, court clerks, process
servers, or parking enforcement officers knows his ass from his elbow."
When asked whether he weighed the ethical ramifications of taking the law,
and the subsequent triplicate filing, into his own hands, Roth said he
doesn't "have the time to sit back and philosophize" when public safety is
at risk.
"The worst part of this job is knowing that some piece of garbage is going
to be back on the streets in six months," said Roth after sentencing a
convicted methamphetamine dealer to six months in prison on a plea bargain
Roth himself authored. "And having to witness it firsthand, too, as I file
his release paperwork and reissue his civilian garb to him."
Despite major qualms with the bureaucracy and red tape he creates and then
has to deal with, the maverick cop is confident he is doing the right thing.
"When you prepare a cold-blooded murderer's last meal, strap him down,
inject him with potassium chloride, send him straight to hell, and officiate
at his burial service in the prison cemetery, you realize it's all worth
it," Roth said.
According to a source within the OPD's internal affairs division, Roth's
loner tactics have alienated him from virtually every colleague, and he has
clashed heatedly with the heads of Narcotics, Vice, Fraud, Missing Persons,
Information Technology, Records, and the Police Athletic League.
"The man is out of control," said Lt. Larry Carling, head of the OPD's
Forensic Science unit. "Goddamn it, if I hear about another rape kit gone
missing or a surprise exhumation, I'll personally order the son of a bitch
to lock himself up."
As a result of the Thursday incident, Roth is now the subject of an
internal investigation, headed by himself.
"We've got our best man on the case, and if he thinks Roth committed a
serious infraction, Roth'll have his badge, gun, robes, gavel, stenotype,
and Bible," said Det. James Lafferty, Roth's immediate supervisor.
Roth said that despite the constant resistance he runs up against, he will
not be deterred from performing the many jobs he has set out to do.
"Sure, I know I'm just 17 cogs in the machine," Roth said. "But I'm still
gonna be out on these mean streets come hell or high water, cracking heads
and busting creeps. And if they kick me off the force, I'll still be a
punk's worst nightmare, as a vigilante, private detective, bounty hunter,
bail bondsman, and repo man all rolled into one."
Truly journalistic excellence.
El Castor
2007-01-19 20:00:41 UTC
Permalink
Post by jimstevens
Excellent item from a publication known to take the mickey for a long
walk.
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:53:17 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/
Ah yes, Oakland, the place of my birth. Trust me when I tell you guys
that one cop can't clean up Oakland. That's a job for a thermonuclear
device.

"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."
Jonathan Swift
jimstevens
2007-01-19 20:49:10 UTC
Permalink
Post by El Castor
Post by jimstevens
Excellent item from a publication known to take the mickey for a long
walk.
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:53:17 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/
Ah yes, Oakland, the place of my birth. Trust me when I tell you guys
that one cop can't clean up Oakland. That's a job for a thermonuclear
device.
"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."
Jonathan Swift
Of course one man can make a big difference and our man identified in
THE ONION seems to be doing a job one could only find in funny books
or action hero movies. What is not to admire about THE ONION's
description of such a real live action hero. I kind of elevate my
opinion even higher of Jim now that I know he reads a scholarly
journal like THE ONION, eh?
Jim Higgins
2007-01-19 21:15:56 UTC
Permalink
Post by jimstevens
Post by El Castor
Post by jimstevens
Excellent item from a publication known to take the mickey for a long
walk.
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:53:17 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/
Ah yes, Oakland, the place of my birth. Trust me when I tell you guys
that one cop can't clean up Oakland. That's a job for a thermonuclear
device.
"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."
Jonathan Swift
Of course one man can make a big difference and our man identified in
THE ONION seems to be doing a job one could only find in funny books
or action hero movies. What is not to admire about THE ONION's
description of such a real live action hero. I kind of elevate my
opinion even higher of Jim now that I know he reads a scholarly
journal like THE ONION, eh?
Should I mention my admiration of the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movies
or keep that in reserve for more praise later :-)
jimstevens
2007-01-19 23:27:58 UTC
Permalink
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 16:15:56 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Post by jimstevens
Post by El Castor
Post by jimstevens
Excellent item from a publication known to take the mickey for a long
walk.
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:53:17 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/
Ah yes, Oakland, the place of my birth. Trust me when I tell you guys
that one cop can't clean up Oakland. That's a job for a thermonuclear
device.
"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."
Jonathan Swift
Of course one man can make a big difference and our man identified in
THE ONION seems to be doing a job one could only find in funny books
or action hero movies. What is not to admire about THE ONION's
description of such a real live action hero. I kind of elevate my
opinion even higher of Jim now that I know he reads a scholarly
journal like THE ONION, eh?
Should I mention my admiration of the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movies
or keep that in reserve for more praise later :-)
???? Are you coming at this from the Chinese angle? Do you wear a
green hat? Be damn sure you know how to answer before firing off a
response. ;)
El Castor
2007-01-20 00:17:13 UTC
Permalink
Post by jimstevens
Post by El Castor
Post by jimstevens
Excellent item from a publication known to take the mickey for a long
walk.
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:53:17 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/
Ah yes, Oakland, the place of my birth. Trust me when I tell you guys
that one cop can't clean up Oakland. That's a job for a thermonuclear
device.
"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."
Jonathan Swift
Of course one man can make a big difference and our man identified in
THE ONION seems to be doing a job one could only find in funny books
or action hero movies. What is not to admire about THE ONION's
description of such a real live action hero. I kind of elevate my
opinion even higher of Jim now that I know he reads a scholarly
journal like THE ONION, eh?
Not even Superman could cope with Oakland. One look and he would go
back to Krypton.

"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."
Jonathan Swift
jimstevens
2007-01-19 21:22:27 UTC
Permalink
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 12:25:28 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Post by jimstevens
Excellent item from a publication known to take the mickey for a long
walk.
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:53:17 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/
OAKLAND, CA-Often referred to by his superiors at the Oakland Police
Department as a "loose cannon," Lt. Buck Roth and his unorthodox policing
methods have been the subject of controversy for much of his turbulent
career. But the renegade detective who acts as judge, jury, prosecuting
attorney, bailiff, court reporter, and executioner maintains that his
approach gets results.
"Whatever it takes to clean up Oakland, I'll do it," Roth said Monday.
"After all the laziness and corruption I've witnessed during my 13 years on
the force, I've learned you can't trust just anyone to apprehend, arrest,
fingerprint, photograph, delouse, interrogate, arraign, hear testimony from,
and set bail for the low-life scumbags I deal with day after day."
Roth triggered a firestorm of controversy last Thursday when he ambushed
and gunned down a suspected killer in a Bay Bridge-area warehouse, even
though the suspect was not armed at the time. He further angered area law
enforcement when he admitted to single-handedly securing the scene, taking
fiber and DNA samples, notifying the killer's next-of-kin, and performing
ballistics tests on his own weapon, all before calling for backup, which is
the required procedure.
Roth, who is officially assigned to the OPD's Vehicle Theft division, said
that he is not a one-man corrections officer, polygraph technician, sketch
artist, parole officer, SWAT team marksman, death row chaplain, and evidence
room supervisor because he wants to be, but because "the Alameda County
criminal justice system has failed its citizens time and time again."
"Am I supposed to just stand by and watch the clowns at HQ let these
depraved bastards slip through the cracks?" said Roth, cleaning his service
revolver as he scanned the two dozen subpoenas he personally issued and
planned to serve later that afternoon. "The whole system is rotten to the
core. Not one of these detectives, assistant DAs, court clerks, process
servers, or parking enforcement officers knows his ass from his elbow."
When asked whether he weighed the ethical ramifications of taking the law,
and the subsequent triplicate filing, into his own hands, Roth said he
doesn't "have the time to sit back and philosophize" when public safety is
at risk.
"The worst part of this job is knowing that some piece of garbage is going
to be back on the streets in six months," said Roth after sentencing a
convicted methamphetamine dealer to six months in prison on a plea bargain
Roth himself authored. "And having to witness it firsthand, too, as I file
his release paperwork and reissue his civilian garb to him."
Despite major qualms with the bureaucracy and red tape he creates and then
has to deal with, the maverick cop is confident he is doing the right thing.
"When you prepare a cold-blooded murderer's last meal, strap him down,
inject him with potassium chloride, send him straight to hell, and officiate
at his burial service in the prison cemetery, you realize it's all worth
it," Roth said.
According to a source within the OPD's internal affairs division, Roth's
loner tactics have alienated him from virtually every colleague, and he has
clashed heatedly with the heads of Narcotics, Vice, Fraud, Missing Persons,
Information Technology, Records, and the Police Athletic League.
"The man is out of control," said Lt. Larry Carling, head of the OPD's
Forensic Science unit. "Goddamn it, if I hear about another rape kit gone
missing or a surprise exhumation, I'll personally order the son of a bitch
to lock himself up."
As a result of the Thursday incident, Roth is now the subject of an
internal investigation, headed by himself.
"We've got our best man on the case, and if he thinks Roth committed a
serious infraction, Roth'll have his badge, gun, robes, gavel, stenotype,
and Bible," said Det. James Lafferty, Roth's immediate supervisor.
Roth said that despite the constant resistance he runs up against, he will
not be deterred from performing the many jobs he has set out to do.
"Sure, I know I'm just 17 cogs in the machine," Roth said. "But I'm still
gonna be out on these mean streets come hell or high water, cracking heads
and busting creeps. And if they kick me off the force, I'll still be a
punk's worst nightmare, as a vigilante, private detective, bounty hunter,
bail bondsman, and repo man all rolled into one."
Truly journalistic excellence.
Do you think Jeff really missed the obvious there??
Jim Higgins
2007-01-19 23:17:40 UTC
Permalink
Post by jimstevens
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 12:25:28 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Post by jimstevens
Excellent item from a publication known to take the mickey for a long
walk.
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:53:17 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/
OAKLAND, CA-Often referred to by his superiors at the Oakland Police
Department as a "loose cannon," Lt. Buck Roth and his unorthodox policing
methods have been the subject of controversy for much of his turbulent
career. But the renegade detective who acts as judge, jury, prosecuting
attorney, bailiff, court reporter, and executioner maintains that his
approach gets results.
"Whatever it takes to clean up Oakland, I'll do it," Roth said Monday.
"After all the laziness and corruption I've witnessed during my 13 years on
the force, I've learned you can't trust just anyone to apprehend, arrest,
fingerprint, photograph, delouse, interrogate, arraign, hear testimony from,
and set bail for the low-life scumbags I deal with day after day."
Roth triggered a firestorm of controversy last Thursday when he ambushed
and gunned down a suspected killer in a Bay Bridge-area warehouse, even
though the suspect was not armed at the time. He further angered area law
enforcement when he admitted to single-handedly securing the scene, taking
fiber and DNA samples, notifying the killer's next-of-kin, and performing
ballistics tests on his own weapon, all before calling for backup, which is
the required procedure.
Roth, who is officially assigned to the OPD's Vehicle Theft division, said
that he is not a one-man corrections officer, polygraph technician, sketch
artist, parole officer, SWAT team marksman, death row chaplain, and evidence
room supervisor because he wants to be, but because "the Alameda County
criminal justice system has failed its citizens time and time again."
"Am I supposed to just stand by and watch the clowns at HQ let these
depraved bastards slip through the cracks?" said Roth, cleaning his service
revolver as he scanned the two dozen subpoenas he personally issued and
planned to serve later that afternoon. "The whole system is rotten to the
core. Not one of these detectives, assistant DAs, court clerks, process
servers, or parking enforcement officers knows his ass from his elbow."
When asked whether he weighed the ethical ramifications of taking the law,
and the subsequent triplicate filing, into his own hands, Roth said he
doesn't "have the time to sit back and philosophize" when public safety is
at risk.
"The worst part of this job is knowing that some piece of garbage is going
to be back on the streets in six months," said Roth after sentencing a
convicted methamphetamine dealer to six months in prison on a plea bargain
Roth himself authored. "And having to witness it firsthand, too, as I file
his release paperwork and reissue his civilian garb to him."
Despite major qualms with the bureaucracy and red tape he creates and then
has to deal with, the maverick cop is confident he is doing the right thing.
"When you prepare a cold-blooded murderer's last meal, strap him down,
inject him with potassium chloride, send him straight to hell, and officiate
at his burial service in the prison cemetery, you realize it's all worth
it," Roth said.
According to a source within the OPD's internal affairs division, Roth's
loner tactics have alienated him from virtually every colleague, and he has
clashed heatedly with the heads of Narcotics, Vice, Fraud, Missing Persons,
Information Technology, Records, and the Police Athletic League.
"The man is out of control," said Lt. Larry Carling, head of the OPD's
Forensic Science unit. "Goddamn it, if I hear about another rape kit gone
missing or a surprise exhumation, I'll personally order the son of a bitch
to lock himself up."
As a result of the Thursday incident, Roth is now the subject of an
internal investigation, headed by himself.
"We've got our best man on the case, and if he thinks Roth committed a
serious infraction, Roth'll have his badge, gun, robes, gavel, stenotype,
and Bible," said Det. James Lafferty, Roth's immediate supervisor.
Roth said that despite the constant resistance he runs up against, he will
not be deterred from performing the many jobs he has set out to do.
"Sure, I know I'm just 17 cogs in the machine," Roth said. "But I'm still
gonna be out on these mean streets come hell or high water, cracking heads
and busting creeps. And if they kick me off the force, I'll still be a
punk's worst nightmare, as a vigilante, private detective, bounty hunter,
bail bondsman, and repo man all rolled into one."
Truly journalistic excellence.
Do you think Jeff really missed the obvious there??
El Castor
2007-01-20 01:16:52 UTC
Permalink
Post by jimstevens
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 12:25:28 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Post by jimstevens
Excellent item from a publication known to take the mickey for a long
walk.
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:53:17 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/
OAKLAND, CA-Often referred to by his superiors at the Oakland Police
Department as a "loose cannon," Lt. Buck Roth and his unorthodox policing
methods have been the subject of controversy for much of his turbulent
career. But the renegade detective who acts as judge, jury, prosecuting
attorney, bailiff, court reporter, and executioner maintains that his
approach gets results.
"Whatever it takes to clean up Oakland, I'll do it," Roth said Monday.
"After all the laziness and corruption I've witnessed during my 13 years on
the force, I've learned you can't trust just anyone to apprehend, arrest,
fingerprint, photograph, delouse, interrogate, arraign, hear testimony from,
and set bail for the low-life scumbags I deal with day after day."
Roth triggered a firestorm of controversy last Thursday when he ambushed
and gunned down a suspected killer in a Bay Bridge-area warehouse, even
though the suspect was not armed at the time. He further angered area law
enforcement when he admitted to single-handedly securing the scene, taking
fiber and DNA samples, notifying the killer's next-of-kin, and performing
ballistics tests on his own weapon, all before calling for backup, which is
the required procedure.
Roth, who is officially assigned to the OPD's Vehicle Theft division, said
that he is not a one-man corrections officer, polygraph technician, sketch
artist, parole officer, SWAT team marksman, death row chaplain, and evidence
room supervisor because he wants to be, but because "the Alameda County
criminal justice system has failed its citizens time and time again."
"Am I supposed to just stand by and watch the clowns at HQ let these
depraved bastards slip through the cracks?" said Roth, cleaning his service
revolver as he scanned the two dozen subpoenas he personally issued and
planned to serve later that afternoon. "The whole system is rotten to the
core. Not one of these detectives, assistant DAs, court clerks, process
servers, or parking enforcement officers knows his ass from his elbow."
When asked whether he weighed the ethical ramifications of taking the law,
and the subsequent triplicate filing, into his own hands, Roth said he
doesn't "have the time to sit back and philosophize" when public safety is
at risk.
"The worst part of this job is knowing that some piece of garbage is going
to be back on the streets in six months," said Roth after sentencing a
convicted methamphetamine dealer to six months in prison on a plea bargain
Roth himself authored. "And having to witness it firsthand, too, as I file
his release paperwork and reissue his civilian garb to him."
Despite major qualms with the bureaucracy and red tape he creates and then
has to deal with, the maverick cop is confident he is doing the right thing.
"When you prepare a cold-blooded murderer's last meal, strap him down,
inject him with potassium chloride, send him straight to hell, and officiate
at his burial service in the prison cemetery, you realize it's all worth
it," Roth said.
According to a source within the OPD's internal affairs division, Roth's
loner tactics have alienated him from virtually every colleague, and he has
clashed heatedly with the heads of Narcotics, Vice, Fraud, Missing Persons,
Information Technology, Records, and the Police Athletic League.
"The man is out of control," said Lt. Larry Carling, head of the OPD's
Forensic Science unit. "Goddamn it, if I hear about another rape kit gone
missing or a surprise exhumation, I'll personally order the son of a bitch
to lock himself up."
As a result of the Thursday incident, Roth is now the subject of an
internal investigation, headed by himself.
"We've got our best man on the case, and if he thinks Roth committed a
serious infraction, Roth'll have his badge, gun, robes, gavel, stenotype,
and Bible," said Det. James Lafferty, Roth's immediate supervisor.
Roth said that despite the constant resistance he runs up against, he will
not be deterred from performing the many jobs he has set out to do.
"Sure, I know I'm just 17 cogs in the machine," Roth said. "But I'm still
gonna be out on these mean streets come hell or high water, cracking heads
and busting creeps. And if they kick me off the force, I'll still be a
punk's worst nightmare, as a vigilante, private detective, bounty hunter,
bail bondsman, and repo man all rolled into one."
Truly journalistic excellence.
Do you think Jeff really missed the obvious there??
Ok,ok, he sort of got me. I know about The Onion, but I didn't get
past Oakland and cop. Having grown up in Oakland, I have certain
strong feelings about the place. All I can say is, Gertrude Stein, was
right -- there is no there there. Or maybe she was wrong. There is
definitely a there there, but not a there that would make you want to
go there to be there. One of my daughter's many boy friends went there
one night, and as far as we know, he is still there -- probably buried
in a vacant lot with an oil drum for a head stone.

"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."
Jonathan Swift
jimstevens
2007-01-20 02:07:51 UTC
Permalink
Post by El Castor
Post by jimstevens
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 12:25:28 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Truly journalistic excellence.
Do you think Jeff really missed the obvious there??
Ok,ok, he sort of got me. I know about The Onion, but I didn't get
past Oakland and cop. Having grown up in Oakland, I have certain
strong feelings about the place. All I can say is, Gertrude Stein, was
right -- there is no there there. Or maybe she was wrong. There is
definitely a there there, but not a there that would make you want to
go there to be there. One of my daughter's many boy friends went there
one night, and as far as we know, he is still there -- probably buried
in a vacant lot with an oil drum for a head stone.
"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."
Jonathan Swift
We are here to help you. Really. You are convinced, no?

I visited San Fran in the 80's and was not so impressed until I took
what I was told was the longest bridge in the world. Went from Africa
to Fairyland. Oakland made SF look like a really wonderful by
contrast after the single visit. We had to visit the a ship that was
docked over there. USNS Observation Island, a ship that belonged to
MIlitary Sealift Command, deckhand from Merchant Marines, and really
crewed by super hi tech contractors and Air Force personnel from Ft
Meade (NSA). Oakland scared the hell out of those folks and we had
seen many of them in Adak, Hawaii, and some other places I can't
mention here. I made damn sure I never had to meet them again when
they were supposed to revisit Oakland.
El Castor
2007-01-20 05:48:26 UTC
Permalink
Post by jimstevens
Post by El Castor
Post by jimstevens
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 12:25:28 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Truly journalistic excellence.
Do you think Jeff really missed the obvious there??
Ok,ok, he sort of got me. I know about The Onion, but I didn't get
past Oakland and cop. Having grown up in Oakland, I have certain
strong feelings about the place. All I can say is, Gertrude Stein, was
right -- there is no there there. Or maybe she was wrong. There is
definitely a there there, but not a there that would make you want to
go there to be there. One of my daughter's many boy friends went there
one night, and as far as we know, he is still there -- probably buried
in a vacant lot with an oil drum for a head stone.
"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."
Jonathan Swift
We are here to help you. Really. You are convinced, no?
I visited San Fran in the 80's and was not so impressed until I took
what I was told was the longest bridge in the world. Went from Africa
to Fairyland. Oakland made SF look like a really wonderful by
contrast after the single visit. We had to visit the a ship that was
docked over there. USNS Observation Island, a ship that belonged to
MIlitary Sealift Command, deckhand from Merchant Marines, and really
crewed by super hi tech contractors and Air Force personnel from Ft
Meade (NSA). Oakland scared the hell out of those folks and we had
seen many of them in Adak, Hawaii, and some other places I can't
mention here. I made damn sure I never had to meet them again when
they were supposed to revisit Oakland.
Well, no matter how bad a place is, there is always something worse. I
can see you've never been to Richmond -- and not the one in Virginia.
I used to talk to the Operations Officer at the Richmond Main branch
of the bank I worked for, and he told me an interesting story. One
night the janitors were cleaning up when some guys started beating on
the front doors of the bank with a metal garbage can. The janitors
retreated to the second floor and called the cops. The cops came, but
all they would do was slowly cruise by out front. The would-be bank
robbers finally got tired of swinging the garbage can and left. (-8

"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."
Jonathan Swift
Sordo
2007-01-20 15:47:31 UTC
Permalink
Post by El Castor
Post by jimstevens
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 12:25:28 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Post by jimstevens
Excellent item from a publication known to take the mickey for a long
walk.
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:53:17 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/
OAKLAND, CA-Often referred to by his superiors at the Oakland Police
Department as a "loose cannon," Lt. Buck Roth and his unorthodox policing
methods have been the subject of controversy for much of his turbulent
career. But the renegade detective who acts as judge, jury, prosecuting
attorney, bailiff, court reporter, and executioner maintains that his
approach gets results.
"Whatever it takes to clean up Oakland, I'll do it," Roth said Monday.
"After all the laziness and corruption I've witnessed during my 13 years on
the force, I've learned you can't trust just anyone to apprehend, arrest,
fingerprint, photograph, delouse, interrogate, arraign, hear testimony from,
and set bail for the low-life scumbags I deal with day after day."
Roth triggered a firestorm of controversy last Thursday when he ambushed
and gunned down a suspected killer in a Bay Bridge-area warehouse, even
though the suspect was not armed at the time. He further angered area law
enforcement when he admitted to single-handedly securing the scene, taking
fiber and DNA samples, notifying the killer's next-of-kin, and performing
ballistics tests on his own weapon, all before calling for backup, which is
the required procedure.
Roth, who is officially assigned to the OPD's Vehicle Theft division, said
that he is not a one-man corrections officer, polygraph technician, sketch
artist, parole officer, SWAT team marksman, death row chaplain, and evidence
room supervisor because he wants to be, but because "the Alameda County
criminal justice system has failed its citizens time and time again."
"Am I supposed to just stand by and watch the clowns at HQ let these
depraved bastards slip through the cracks?" said Roth, cleaning his service
revolver as he scanned the two dozen subpoenas he personally issued and
planned to serve later that afternoon. "The whole system is rotten to the
core. Not one of these detectives, assistant DAs, court clerks, process
servers, or parking enforcement officers knows his ass from his elbow."
When asked whether he weighed the ethical ramifications of taking the law,
and the subsequent triplicate filing, into his own hands, Roth said he
doesn't "have the time to sit back and philosophize" when public safety is
at risk.
"The worst part of this job is knowing that some piece of garbage is going
to be back on the streets in six months," said Roth after sentencing a
convicted methamphetamine dealer to six months in prison on a plea bargain
Roth himself authored. "And having to witness it firsthand, too, as I file
his release paperwork and reissue his civilian garb to him."
Despite major qualms with the bureaucracy and red tape he creates and then
has to deal with, the maverick cop is confident he is doing the right thing.
"When you prepare a cold-blooded murderer's last meal, strap him down,
inject him with potassium chloride, send him straight to hell, and officiate
at his burial service in the prison cemetery, you realize it's all worth
it," Roth said.
According to a source within the OPD's internal affairs division, Roth's
loner tactics have alienated him from virtually every colleague, and he has
clashed heatedly with the heads of Narcotics, Vice, Fraud, Missing Persons,
Information Technology, Records, and the Police Athletic League.
"The man is out of control," said Lt. Larry Carling, head of the OPD's
Forensic Science unit. "Goddamn it, if I hear about another rape kit gone
missing or a surprise exhumation, I'll personally order the son of a bitch
to lock himself up."
As a result of the Thursday incident, Roth is now the subject of an
internal investigation, headed by himself.
"We've got our best man on the case, and if he thinks Roth committed a
serious infraction, Roth'll have his badge, gun, robes, gavel, stenotype,
and Bible," said Det. James Lafferty, Roth's immediate supervisor.
Roth said that despite the constant resistance he runs up against, he will
not be deterred from performing the many jobs he has set out to do.
"Sure, I know I'm just 17 cogs in the machine," Roth said. "But I'm still
gonna be out on these mean streets come hell or high water, cracking heads
and busting creeps. And if they kick me off the force, I'll still be a
punk's worst nightmare, as a vigilante, private detective, bounty hunter,
bail bondsman, and repo man all rolled into one."
Truly journalistic excellence.
Do you think Jeff really missed the obvious there??
Ok,ok, he sort of got me. I know about The Onion, but I didn't get
past Oakland and cop. Having grown up in Oakland, I have certain
strong feelings about the place. All I can say is, Gertrude Stein, was
right -- there is no there there. Or maybe she was wrong. There is
definitely a there there, but not a there that would make you want to
go there to be there. One of my daughter's many boy friends went there
one night, and as far as we know, he is still there -- probably buried
in a vacant lot with an oil drum for a head stone.
Was he the proverbial "tail gunner" on a Budwieser delivery truck?
El Castor
2007-01-20 17:48:48 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sordo
Post by El Castor
Post by jimstevens
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 12:25:28 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Post by jimstevens
Excellent item from a publication known to take the mickey for a long
walk.
On Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:53:17 -0500, "Jim Higgins"
Post by Jim Higgins
Vigilante Cop Acts As Judge, Jury, Prosecuting Attorney, Bailiff,
Stenographer, Executioner
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/57580/print/
OAKLAND, CA-Often referred to by his superiors at the Oakland Police
Department as a "loose cannon," Lt. Buck Roth and his unorthodox policing
methods have been the subject of controversy for much of his turbulent
career. But the renegade detective who acts as judge, jury, prosecuting
attorney, bailiff, court reporter, and executioner maintains that his
approach gets results.
"Whatever it takes to clean up Oakland, I'll do it," Roth said Monday.
"After all the laziness and corruption I've witnessed during my 13 years on
the force, I've learned you can't trust just anyone to apprehend, arrest,
fingerprint, photograph, delouse, interrogate, arraign, hear testimony from,
and set bail for the low-life scumbags I deal with day after day."
Roth triggered a firestorm of controversy last Thursday when he ambushed
and gunned down a suspected killer in a Bay Bridge-area warehouse, even
though the suspect was not armed at the time. He further angered area law
enforcement when he admitted to single-handedly securing the scene, taking
fiber and DNA samples, notifying the killer's next-of-kin, and performing
ballistics tests on his own weapon, all before calling for backup, which is
the required procedure.
Roth, who is officially assigned to the OPD's Vehicle Theft division, said
that he is not a one-man corrections officer, polygraph technician, sketch
artist, parole officer, SWAT team marksman, death row chaplain, and evidence
room supervisor because he wants to be, but because "the Alameda County
criminal justice system has failed its citizens time and time again."
"Am I supposed to just stand by and watch the clowns at HQ let these
depraved bastards slip through the cracks?" said Roth, cleaning his service
revolver as he scanned the two dozen subpoenas he personally issued and
planned to serve later that afternoon. "The whole system is rotten to the
core. Not one of these detectives, assistant DAs, court clerks, process
servers, or parking enforcement officers knows his ass from his elbow."
When asked whether he weighed the ethical ramifications of taking the law,
and the subsequent triplicate filing, into his own hands, Roth said he
doesn't "have the time to sit back and philosophize" when public safety is
at risk.
"The worst part of this job is knowing that some piece of garbage is going
to be back on the streets in six months," said Roth after sentencing a
convicted methamphetamine dealer to six months in prison on a plea bargain
Roth himself authored. "And having to witness it firsthand, too, as I file
his release paperwork and reissue his civilian garb to him."
Despite major qualms with the bureaucracy and red tape he creates and then
has to deal with, the maverick cop is confident he is doing the right thing.
"When you prepare a cold-blooded murderer's last meal, strap him down,
inject him with potassium chloride, send him straight to hell, and officiate
at his burial service in the prison cemetery, you realize it's all worth
it," Roth said.
According to a source within the OPD's internal affairs division, Roth's
loner tactics have alienated him from virtually every colleague, and he has
clashed heatedly with the heads of Narcotics, Vice, Fraud, Missing Persons,
Information Technology, Records, and the Police Athletic League.
"The man is out of control," said Lt. Larry Carling, head of the OPD's
Forensic Science unit. "Goddamn it, if I hear about another rape kit gone
missing or a surprise exhumation, I'll personally order the son of a bitch
to lock himself up."
As a result of the Thursday incident, Roth is now the subject of an
internal investigation, headed by himself.
"We've got our best man on the case, and if he thinks Roth committed a
serious infraction, Roth'll have his badge, gun, robes, gavel, stenotype,
and Bible," said Det. James Lafferty, Roth's immediate supervisor.
Roth said that despite the constant resistance he runs up against, he will
not be deterred from performing the many jobs he has set out to do.
"Sure, I know I'm just 17 cogs in the machine," Roth said. "But I'm still
gonna be out on these mean streets come hell or high water, cracking heads
and busting creeps. And if they kick me off the force, I'll still be a
punk's worst nightmare, as a vigilante, private detective, bounty hunter,
bail bondsman, and repo man all rolled into one."
Truly journalistic excellence.
Do you think Jeff really missed the obvious there??
Ok,ok, he sort of got me. I know about The Onion, but I didn't get
past Oakland and cop. Having grown up in Oakland, I have certain
strong feelings about the place. All I can say is, Gertrude Stein, was
right -- there is no there there. Or maybe she was wrong. There is
definitely a there there, but not a there that would make you want to
go there to be there. One of my daughter's many boy friends went there
one night, and as far as we know, he is still there -- probably buried
in a vacant lot with an oil drum for a head stone.
Was he the proverbial "tail gunner" on a Budwieser delivery truck?
Actually, I think he was probably looking to acquire some cocaine. The
body was never found, so I can only speculate.

"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."
Jonathan Swift
jimstevens
2007-01-20 20:47:28 UTC
Permalink
Post by Sordo
Post by El Castor
Post by jimstevens
Do you think Jeff really missed the obvious there??
Ok,ok, he sort of got me. I know about The Onion, but I didn't get
past Oakland and cop. Having grown up in Oakland, I have certain
strong feelings about the place. All I can say is, Gertrude Stein, was
right -- there is no there there. Or maybe she was wrong. There is
definitely a there there, but not a there that would make you want to
go there to be there. One of my daughter's many boy friends went there
one night, and as far as we know, he is still there -- probably buried
in a vacant lot with an oil drum for a head stone.
Was he the proverbial "tail gunner" on a Budwieser delivery truck?
Don't make light of tail gunner on beer trucks! With MP jeeps on each
end of convoys of trucks with beer coming out of Saigon Docks; whole
convoys were known to vanish into thin air. Such were the perils of
war. I don't recall if either of you two yardbirds ever were
in-country there but guarding the beer was not a job to be
disrespected! :)
El Castor
2007-01-21 07:46:37 UTC
Permalink
Post by jimstevens
Post by Sordo
Post by El Castor
Post by jimstevens
Do you think Jeff really missed the obvious there??
Ok,ok, he sort of got me. I know about The Onion, but I didn't get
past Oakland and cop. Having grown up in Oakland, I have certain
strong feelings about the place. All I can say is, Gertrude Stein, was
right -- there is no there there. Or maybe she was wrong. There is
definitely a there there, but not a there that would make you want to
go there to be there. One of my daughter's many boy friends went there
one night, and as far as we know, he is still there -- probably buried
in a vacant lot with an oil drum for a head stone.
Was he the proverbial "tail gunner" on a Budwieser delivery truck?
Don't make light of tail gunner on beer trucks! With MP jeeps on each
end of convoys of trucks with beer coming out of Saigon Docks; whole
convoys were known to vanish into thin air. Such were the perils of
war. I don't recall if either of you two yardbirds ever were
in-country there but guarding the beer was not a job to be
disrespected! :)
I think I saw it once on the horizon, but it could have been a cloud.
Does that count?

"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into."
Jonathan Swift
jimstevens
2007-01-21 17:07:10 UTC
Permalink
Post by El Castor
Post by jimstevens
Post by Sordo
Post by El Castor
Post by jimstevens
Do you think Jeff really missed the obvious there??
Ok,ok, he sort of got me. I know about The Onion, but I didn't get
past Oakland and cop. Having grown up in Oakland, I have certain
strong feelings about the place. All I can say is, Gertrude Stein, was
right -- there is no there there. Or maybe she was wrong. There is
definitely a there there, but not a there that would make you want to
go there to be there. One of my daughter's many boy friends went there
one night, and as far as we know, he is still there -- probably buried
in a vacant lot with an oil drum for a head stone.
Was he the proverbial "tail gunner" on a Budwieser delivery truck?
Don't make light of tail gunner on beer trucks! With MP jeeps on each
end of convoys of trucks with beer coming out of Saigon Docks; whole
convoys were known to vanish into thin air. Such were the perils of
war. I don't recall if either of you two yardbirds ever were
in-country there but guarding the beer was not a job to be
disrespected! :)
I think I saw it once on the horizon, but it could have been a cloud.
Does that count?
I read an account online recently about a supply boat from the US to
Vietnam where the crew discovered the beer pallets. There was a
massive hole in the pile of beer where they busted into it and
refreshed themselves all the way across the Pacific. I never
underestimate the participation of sailors. heh heh

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